Rejection; Natural, Myth, Someone Wants It
If we want to be successful, we need to learn how to deal with rejection. Rejection is a natural part of life. Just say next.
You get rejected when you don’t get the raise you wanted, don’t get the job promotion you wanted, don’t get the date you asked for, don’t get the permission you requested, or get fired. You get rejected when your new product idea is passed over, your fund-raising request is ignored, your design concept is not accepted.
I have clients that turn to the on-line dating platforms to look for a date. Several feel rejected when someone chooses not to write back or doesn’t follow through on plans. I ask them, “How can you be rejected? They don’t even know you.”
Rejection is a Myth
To get over rejection, you have to realize that rejection is really a myth. It doesn’t really exist. It is simply a concept that you hold in your head. Think about it. If you ask Patty to have dinner with you and she says no, you didn’t have anyone to eat dinner with before you asked her, and you don’t have anyone to eat dinner with after you asked her. The situation didn’t get worse; it stayed the same. It only gets worse if you go inside and tell yourself something extra like “See, Mother was right. No one will ever like me. I am an awful person.”
If you apply to Harvard for graduate school and you don’t get in, you weren’t in Harvard before you applied, and you are not in Harvard after your applied. Again, your life didn’t get worse; it stayed the same. You haven’t really lost anything. You have spent your whole life not going to Harvard.
Will, Won’t, So What, and Someone’s Waiting
Whenever you ask anyone for anything, remember this SWSWSWSW, which is “Some will, some won’t; so what, and someone’s waiting. Some people are going to say yes, and some are going to say no. So what! Out there someone is waiting for you and your ideas. It is simply a numbers game. You have to keep asking until you get a yes. The yes is out there waiting. As a colleague of mine once said, “What you want wants you.” You just have to hang in there long enough to eventually say yes.
Just Say Next
Get used to the idea that there is going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The secret to success is not to give up. When someone says no, you say, “Next!” Keep on asking. Sylvester Stallone said, “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
When Colonel Harlan Sanders left home with his pressure cooker and his special recipe for cooking Southern fried chicken, he received over 300 rejections before he found someone to believe in his dream. Because he rejected rejection over 300 times, there are now 11,000 KFC restaurants in 80 countries around the world.
Novelist Stephen King almost made a multimillion-dollar mistake when he threw his Carrie manuscript in the garbage because he was tired of the rejections. “We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias,” he was told. “They do not sell.” Luckily, his wife fished it out of the garbage. Eventually Carrie was printed by another publisher, sold more than 4 million copies, and was made into a blockbuster film.
If one person tells you no, ask someone else. Remember, there are over 6 billion people on the planet. Someone, somewhere, sometime will say yes. Don’t get stuck in your fear or resentment. Move on to the next person. It is a numbers game. Someone is waiting to say yes.