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Moms communicate in odd ways

A client of mine said to me, “35, childless and happily married for 10 years” offers a theory as to why young people are putting off having babies. The reason, she said, is simple, “We listened to our parents.”

“When we were kids and visited a home where there were white floors, glass coffee tables, and white bathroom towels, Mama always said, ‘Why not? They don’t have kids.’

“When we turned the dining room into a fort, Mama would shake her head and say, ‘This house will never look like anything as long as I have kids.’

“Whenever we rode in the car, she’d look wistfully at a woman driving in a nice clean car and we didn’t have to be told it was because the woman didn’t have kids.

“Lecture No. 1 was always about the babies that cost more money and more time than you have, what a huge responsibility they were and how it was the hardest job in the world. “

Are you still listening?

Good. Because here’s lecture No. 2.

Did you hear your mother’s tears the day you were born? That’s too bad. Because never before nor since has your mother known such joy.  For a while she could not speak to anyone about it. She just played with your fingers and tried to memorize every feature of your face to savor the moment.

Did you hear your mother smile the day in the car when she looked at the woman in the clean expensive car and thought, “Lady, I wouldn’t trade you even for what I’ve got.”

Did you hear your mother’s prayers the night you had the asthma attack and she was threatened with the loss of something she could not bear to even think of living without?

Did you hear her pride whenever you got an award for anything or appeared in a play as a tree or ran faster, sang loudest or said, “Thank you” without being told?

Did you hear what was in her heart when you graduated and she sat in the darkness and shared the moment when your name was called?

You listened. But some real emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure pleasure from doing your job….why some days it’s so quiet you don’t even know it’s there.

I hope my children not only listen to me and appreciate me more but occasionally look at me – and see what I am really saying.

pamela chambers