Love Quiz; How well do you know your spouse?
Surprise! We had a surprise birthday party for my son. His emotional outpouring let me know how truly touched he really was for this party. The party theme was around his nickname growing up, which was Jama Man. He achieved that nickname due to the amount of hours he would spend in his jammies. Jama Man is a nickname that only our family would know. Do you have a nickname for your spouse that only you would know? Do you really, really know your spouse?
Family is love. We grow to love someone by truly getting to know each other. Perhaps it’s time to get reacquainted with your spouse and fall in love all over again. Let’s take a love quiz.
Families begin with husband and wife. Married couples that are struggling with conflict and dissonance that walk into my counseling office barely knew each other before they got married. There’s a reason pre-marital counseling reduces the divorce rate by 30%.
Jeffrey Larson in his excellent book Should We Stay Together? Described it this way:
“ I define one’s acquaintanceship as a combination of how well you know your partner (depth of knowledge) and how long you’ve known your partner (breadth of experiences) before marriage. The relationship between acquaintanceship and later marital satisfaction is simple: The longer and better you know someone before marriage, the greater the likelihood of marital satisfaction. This is because the longer you become acquainted with someone before marriage-usually-the better you know them, understand them and understand our couple strengths and weaknesses.”
You may not have gotten to know each other very well before you were married, but let’s have some fun and get to know each other better while you are married. Ignorance is not bliss.
Let’s have some fun and take a love quiz. You and your spouse sit down, turn off all the electronics, and make sure the children are in bed. Let’s create an atmosphere where the two of you can get to know each other a little better. Couples don’t grow apart. They quit paying attention to each other. Talk over with each other the answers to the following 10 questions. These questions are adapted from the book, 101 Questions to ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright.
- What are three ways in which you see your spouse as different? What are three ways in which you see your spouse as similar? Which of these are you most comfortable with?
- What is your spouse’s dream or fantasy of a “perfect marriage”?
- What was the lowest point or most difficult time in your spouse’s life, and how did your spouse handle it?
- Describe how your spouse handles stress and frustration. What creates the greatest stress and frustration in your spouse’s life?
- What do you wish you could say to your mother and father that you’ve never said to them? How about your spouse?
- What is there in your life and in your spouse’s life that you never want to change or that you would never be able to let go of?
- What are the “must have” and “must not have” qualities in a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Your spouse?
- Could you describe the people in your life who are the easiest to get along with and those who are the most difficult? Your spouse?
- How do you suggest that we keep romance alive in our marriage?
- Ten years from now, where would you like to be emotionally? How about spiritually? How about economically? Your spouse?
How fun was that? Do the two of you know each other a little better? Did anything surprise you?
I suggest for you to set aside one night a week where you and your spouse have a date night at home. After the children go to bed, spend some uninterrupted time together by turning off the phone, TV, and computer. Enjoy the silence.
In counseling, silence is a great time for a client to have an emotional breakthrough. In those marital moments of silence, you may find some very interesting things about your spouse that you never knew. Couples don’t grow apart, they let go of each other.
What greater joy than getting to better know the person to whom you plan to spend the rest of your life? You and your spouse started the family. Please don’t quit paying attention to each other. Because it will just be the two of you after your children leave. During those moments of silence, you may even come up with a theme for your next surprise party for your spouse.
Your desire to know him is a great way to show him you love him. People don’t quit talking to each other because they know each other well. They quit talking to each other because they don’t want to hear what the other one has to say. Don’t stop talking to each other and don’t stop loving each other. You want to always be a safe place for your lover to fall.