Informed options leads to better decisions
When my clients are frustrated, I hear, “I am doomed and don’t have a way out.” We are not doomed as long as we have options. The truth is you may not be aware of your options. If you don’t know your options, you have no options. Informed options leads to better decisions.
How do we become aware of our options? We need to start asking ourselves tough questions and gather information. Don’t avoid the information that you don’t want to hear. You need to be aware of your real options. You do not want to delude yourself.
In order to not delude yourself, you want to become a realistic observer. Let’s say you want to purchase a home. The home is on a corner lot and you worry about the noise levels in purchasing the home. How can you find out quickly for yourself?
What if you sat in the home for a while and kept track of the number of cars that went by every hour? As you sit there, You observe the noise levels. This is a way for you to become your own realistic observer.
Become a Realistic Observer
If you want to know more, “notice more.” If you respect and honor others that are good at listening and are observant people, inquire with them. Those respectable people are those that have been down the road and back again.
Speak with these people who can guide you. And, listen. However, “Do not accept someone else’s view of reality. Validate the information yourself. “
The needed information is only that information without which you cannot make a better decision. How do you know what is your best option?
You can ask yourself, “Will this option best help me to meet the real need?”
No to a Poor Decision
When I don’t know my options, I can first say “No” to a poor decision and stop whatever it is that is not working. Then, I will fill the void I’ve created with something better. You have now increased the likelihood that you will find a better way.
One client told me that after he divorced his wife, his work suffered. He continued to tell me that his wife left him and didn’t want to be married anymore. He professed that he was still in love with her and missed her terribly, which included difficulty sleeping and eating. His happiness was dependent on his wife returning to him.
I asked him, “Are you in love with her? The way he treated her was not a way that a man treats a woman if he is in love with her. He said, “Yes I do love her.”
He said, “My only chance of being happy and productive is to be back with my wife.” Then, he became aware of his options.
I asked, “When you were married, were you a happy couple?” He said, “No.” I asked, “Have the two of you changed that much since the divorce?” He again said, “No.” I asked him, “What makes you think that you would be happy being back together with your wife?”
You don’t want to jump into an empty swimming pool in hopes that there will be water in it when you jump off the diving board. You want to make sure the swimming pool is filled with water before you jump into that pool.
That man needed to know that the two of them had changed. Then, the two of them would have a much better chance of being a happy couple.
I suggested, “Imagine that you have learned about what went wrong in that relationship and you have corrected those mistakes. You join a hiking club and meet a wonderful woman with whom you share similar interests and values.”
Or, you go to a self-improvement workshop. You find a woman there who is charming and charismatic. You begin to talk and uncover all kinds of exciting adventures the two of you can share.
He needed to stop feeling sorry for himself and begin to look at what could be instead of what was. The reality is that these and other options were always there. He was unaware that these options existed.
Now the divorced man needs to discover his options by gathering information. He will look into hiking clubs in his area and perhaps look into some self-help workshops or an educational class that interests him.
• Several options you may not be aware of
• As I gather the needed information, I become aware of my options.
• Choose the option that meets the real need.
• Information is a collection of feelings and facts, what really is and how people feel about it.
• Gather the needed information, observe it, and verify it.
• I use my head by asking myself a practical question; Am I meeting the real need, informing myself of options, and thinking it through?
Better decisions leads to progress. Progress leads to self-fulfillment. Happiness is self-fulfillment.