Grief, addictions, loss,

Grief Yin Yang Life; Letting Go, Find Love

Grief is a part of life. Life knocks us down to our knees. The more we love; the bigger the grief. What is the definition of grief?

My brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 18. The day is etched on my brain like a tattoo onto the skin.  It was late at night and my parents and grandparents walked through the front door.  My grandmother was crying and said my brother was dead. Shock fell upon all of us. We all sat in the living room together. We were completely silent until the sun rose. We completely lost track of time. Time stood still. Our grief had just begun.

A person can die and it’s easy to know that this is the beginning of the grieving process.  However, there are times where the person we know and love has changed dramatically through the use of drugs or cognitive impairment. Or, that person has changed in a way that he/she is no longer recognizable to us or is a danger to us.  That too is a grief process.

It is a much more complicated process to know when to begin the grieving process when someone is physically there but no longer emotionally present.  Grief is confusing.  Everyone grieves differently.

How do we let go of someone who is physically present but no longer recognizable to us?  Or that person becomes a danger or is destructive to us or a member of our family?  Grief is nothing more than to let go.

Letting Go

  • To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.
  • To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that i can’t control another.
  • To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
  • To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
  • To let go is not to try and change or blame another, I can only change myself.
  • To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
  • To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
  • To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
  • To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
  • To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
  • To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
  • To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
  • To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes.
  • To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what dream I can be.
  • To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
  • To let go is to fear less and love more!

Life Knocks us Down

My brother is gone and our family didn’t lose the love between us. All of us continued to grow and flourish and we all found love again. It’s Not to say that grief wasn’t a difficult process.  Everything in life is easier said than done. It’s easier said to brush my teeth than to brush them. Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. Some of the hardest things in life are the necessary things to do in order to grow and flourish. And, to find real love.

My brother’s death allowed us to not take life for granted. We appreciate more in life. We enjoy life more.

Listen to me, you will have many ups and downs in your life. Too many. And you will have more. This is life and this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think you can go. But if you stand back up, and move forward. If you go just a little farther, you will always find love. Your life and your story will continue after you are gone. You go now and give yourself a beautiful life. The most beautiful life ever. And if life brings you to your knees, you stand back up.  You get up and you go farther. And find love.

At any moment, life will surprise you. It will bring you to your knees. And when it does, it may be easy to wallow in the tragedies that shape our lives, and while it’s natural to focus on those unspeakable moments that bring us to our knees, we must remind ourselves that if we get up, if we take the story a little bit farther, if we go far enough, there’s love.

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