Discouragement Combative Techniques to Conquer
How do we deal with discouragement? You are trying to achieve a dream. You are really passionate about your project. Things aren’t going well. Someone makes fun of you. You are feeling down on yourself. Something fails and you are in this place where you are so discouraged that you just sit and power binge on Netflix all day. There are four things that can help you deal with discouragement.
1. Don’t compare yourself with others
I’m starting my craft and look how far someone else is. Look at how beautiful their art is or how well their business is doing. Look at how many followings they have. We have started small and they have already achieved so much. We are comparing our beginnings to what they have already achieved after years, or even decades of work. Do not compare yourself to other people.
Ask yourself these important questions, “Am I following my truth? Doing what’s important to me? On my own path? Doing what makes me feel alive?”
Do what makes you feel alive and not what you do in comparison to other people. We need to walk our own path. Do things that give us personal freedom. Does what I am doing align with my values, my hopes, and my dreams.
Brendon Burchard said,” Most of the time, the discouragement doesn’t’ come from failing at something. It’s that in the deepest part of our soul, we know that we’re on the wrong path.”
When we compare ourselves with others over and over again, we are gelling with them and living a conformed life and not a free life. In living a conformed life, there is always discouragement there.
When you are living a free life, there is an openness and optimism. If you are struggling, you realize you are doing your own thing and it brings you alive. That aliveness dampens out and knocks out that discouragement.
2. Adopt a Learning Mindset
When you get discouraged, please adopt a learning mindset. Don’t adopt a catastrophic mindset. Oh my gosh, I failed and I’m a loser. With a catastrophic mindset, people start identifying with progress. If I’m not progressing enough, I am a loser.
You will get discouraged with this mindset verses adopting a learning mindset by asking yourself, “Am I learning at the speed that I am capable of learning?” You want to test, implement, test, implement in order to see if you are learning what you need to learn. Instead of a catastrophic mindset, which looks like this “I am putting everything on the line, if I don’t make it, I am a loser.”
You want to try things and see if it works. If that doesn’t’ work, I’ll try this next week. That is adopting a learning mindset. That mindset will wipe out discouragement.
When you learn, you get a new distinction. The more you look for distinctions instead of wallowing in discouragement, the more your life connects.
With connection, the more your emotions come back to the positive range. The more your curiosity is fired. Discouragement destroys creativity. When you feel like you are learning, it sparks creativity. Curiosity is the foundation of creativity.
Creativity ignites motivation. Ask yourself, what are the five things I have learned while doing this project that will change my behavior tomorrow or next time, I do that thing? That knowledge helps us to become more competent. The more competent we get the more confidence we get. The more you have the learning mindset and the more you will advance.
3. Take Advice from Your Future Self
Sit down and imagine yourself sitting next to your future most confident and competent self and what that would look like for you. The most confident, competent and happy future you will be sitting right next to you. What would that future incredible you tell you to do right now.
What are the 3 things they would tell you to do next as the right act of integrity? We can sit in wallow and hate ourselves for not achieving what we want to achieve. Or, we can sit down and imagine our future self and imagine what that future self would say to us. Your future self would say, “I know you are having a bad day, but in 5 years you will have an extraordinary life and will be doing what you love to do. Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to do these three things….one…two….three.” Only you know what those three things are that you need to do in order to succeed. Let your future self-coach you into success.
Don’t try to make decisions based in your current funk. Envision a compelling future with you coming today advising you how to rise to your highest self. Really feel yourself, see yourself, and really envision your future. This can change your game. If you struggle seeing yourself that way, imagine someone that is your hero sitting next to you and advising you. Have them tell you the next three things you need to do in order to succeed. Only you know what those three things are to help you succeed.
In trying to make decisions, you want to ask yourself, “Will I be proud of this choice 10 years from now?”
4. Share That Truth with Others
Let others know that you are feeling down and not feeling okay. The opposite of that is stewing in silence, suffering in silence, and driving forward in silence. Sometimes in that silence, there is a lot of emotional suffering. You don’t have to be on this journey alone. There are people you can reach out to and those people may be at work, at school, friends, or family. Or a nonprofit organization or an on-line community. A place where you can just share your emotions.
It’s important to share. Some people are hesitant because they think others may make fun of them. Yes, some people may make fun of you and some people will say hey, it’s okay and here’s some advice. Or, hey here’s a resource for you.
There is absolutely nothing that you are going through right now that others have not gone through too. If we believe our experience is so unique, we may be hesitant to share it and ask for help. If we don’t ask for help, we don’t get the resources or the social support that help us to pull ourselves out of days that we can’t do it on our own.
Social Creatures Need Social Encouragement
We are social creatures and we need that social encouragement. That won’t happen if we don’t reach out. If you reach out, other people take note. The thing that helped me the most in times of struggle is reaching out to others for advice and support. What do you do when you are in this position? What helped you get through it? Sometimes you need a coach, a therapist, or a good friend. It’s just important to reach out to someone.
If you ask someone, it will spark curiosity. They will give you some steps. You will learn. If you learn, you get competent. If you get competent, confidence comes back. You know the next steps and you have the confidence to take those steps. You take those steps and you have other people cheering you on and suddenly those days aren’t so dark anymore.
Your life of fulfillment is here for you to begin and enjoy. You are now well on your way to no longer being alone and discouraged.