Broken Heart – I see beauty in it

A call from a friend alerted me. She informed me that my boyfriend was dancing with another woman at our end of the year high school dance. A fight between my boyfriend and me ensued in the front lawn of the high school. Due to that fight, our relationship ended right then and there. I had my first broken heart.  I never felt such pain in my life. At 18 years of age, I was sure that I would never fall in love again. My life was over. I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t eat. What was happening to me?

A broken heart is one of the most common things that will bring a person into my counseling office. It’s painful. It’s unbearably painful. At times, we wonder if we can make it through our love crisis. The good news is there is actually a biological reason for this pain. You aren’t just unbearably weak for having such a rough go of it.

First of all, when we fall in love, our Amygdala lights up our brain like cocaine. It releases the neurotransmitter dopamine, which gives us the feeling of euphoria and great amounts of energy and focus. This is a real physical phenomenon.

Furthermore, love also has an impact on our serotonin levels. Serotonin regulates mood, anxiety and aggression. In the attraction phase, our serotonin levels decline and our anxiety increases, which keeps us craving our beloved’s attention in order to calm our anxiety. The lower levels of serotonin is equivalent to those that have been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, which may explain why we keep thinking of our beloved all the time.

With a decline in serotonin levels, our anxiety rises and we seek the refuge through Oxytocin with our beloved. Oxytocin is dumped into our bodies through passionate lovemaking. Oxytocin is the attachment hormone, our cuddle hormone. Therefore, our beloved is there to soothe the increased levels of anxiety and aggression. Love propels us forward to our beloved.

Don’t despair. Our beloved breaks our heart. We now have no one there to soothe our anxiety and aggression. What do we do now? Let’s find a way to soothe that anxiety and aggression. We can get to work to transform our lives. That pain is your fuel. Your fuel to do the things you dream about. It’s time to get to work and accomplish your dreams.

Your dreams need creative effort. Our creative effort uses the brain in a similar way to satisfy the needs of passionate love. Both creativity and love involve the brains reward system and the brain’s need for fulfillment. So, fulfillment can be achieved through creative efforts rather than from the beloved.

We all wonder to what extent achievement and creativity can be exchanged for love. Marilyn Monroe had a tortured soul who made love to the camera. Vincent Van Gogh created art through his pain. He went on to sell his paintings for millions of dollars. In conclusion, they both found creativity as a way to escape the downside of unrequited love and became legendary icons.

It’s time to find the beauty in your broken heart. The world is waiting to see what you create. I can’t wait to see you manifest your dreams.

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